‘Don Juan’ discusses a recent phenomenon amongst the students, dubbed ‘The Effect’.
In a recent poll, it has emerged that students are increasingly unaware as to whether their affection for their subject is a matter of genuine love or a byproduct of an intoxicating combination of sleep deprivation, insanity and various stimulating chemicals coursing through their bloodstreams.
Students in a recent Cambridge study were found to have exhibited signs of nausea, loss of appetite, heart palpitations, and sleeplessness at the slightest mention of anything related to their degree. They underwent MRI scans whilst being prompted with various words relating to their degree. Their vital signs were also monitored and compared against databases of people exhibiting signs of lovesickness. Whilst the same parts of the brain lit up in both cases, it was observed that the students’ reactions were far more visceral, with one student’s reactions being so violent that the MRI scan short-circuited the entire department.
Some scientists, however, are sceptical of the methodology. ‘How can you rigorously compare your degree against love? Everyone knows love isn’t real!’ exclaimed one scholar. ‘You know what is real? Your degree. Go study.’
In one phase of the study, conducted on sleeping patients, students were observed obsessively chanting the name of their courses in a cold sweat and doing coursework unconsciously, though none of the students were able to recall any details of this upon waking. The results were so disturbing that they were described as being ‘like The Exorcist on wax’ and the study had to be terminated early.
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