Travisty

‘Agony’ offers words of wisdom to Trinity’s newest member.

After a few weeks tackling the dauting task of making the room 26 of Angel Court B, or E9 of Wolfson, or one those truly dire 1960s Soviet-style (but less well maintained?) cubicles at the back of Burrells feel like ‘home’, I’m sure we can have some sympathy for Trinity College’s newest fresher — Sir David Baulcome. Given that it’s been a while since he was last a fresher, Travisty has generously sought to offer him some tried and tested wisdom.

• Don’t forget the fairy lights. What’s a portrait of Elizabeth I without them?
• And some prefer a mattress topper – especially if it ameliorates the same regulation green bedding that the college is so attached to. He may prefer to come equipped.
• Budget. I suppose as a salaried adult, he’s working with money that actually feels real – unlike the student loan which is all too tempting to see as hypothetical until you look at the balance online and it’s all rather unpleasant. Possibly best to have a bit more to show for it than ingested baked beans and mini eggs.
• Avoid flat-cest. Unless, I guess, you’ve just celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary. That’s a conceivable exception to the rule.
• It appears that Sir David is quite exemplary when it comes to bike safety. Surely a Trinity-branded helmet is soon coming to a fresher’s recommended packing list near you.
• There has been significant debate in Travisty as to whether it is appropriate/advisable for Sir David to become a regular at whatever the up-and-coming club night is at the moment. On the one hand, it could be a bit of light entertainment for both him and those who recognise him there, and could make him seem approachable/appreciative of whatever issues seem prescient to undergraduates in the queue on a Wednesday night. On the other hand, it is a bit Nero-at-the-races/poetry competition. The safest conclusion is that it’s just a bit grimy.
• It’s customary to advise freshers to get sociable and to exhort them to not be afraid of meeting new people. However, this is another point where already, Sir Balcombe is proving exemplary. It’s hard to top inviting the entirety of Trinity College over in the space of a week. Even the most impressive social butterfly fly surely struggles to accomplish this, even when equipped with a spacious suite in Blueboar I.